:POWEREDBY_ Broken_Puppet:
I am lost *heartache every moment*

I dont know what I should write right now, I only know that I am in need of writing…
It was funny yesterday and he has been so damn fucking cute..I guess this “fucking” is catching xD
I can not stop saying fucking even if I would really like to halt it…
I don’t know how we have been but somehow it felt like flirting with each other…*hehe*
And yes I admit I really enjoyed it…
Like she said and told me that he was like “can u write her this could u tell her that” I like that thought and moreover I like what we are going to do soon…*lol*
I don’t want to have it like just “friends with benefits” I just hope to fall in love with him and to really care for him truly, cos he earned someone who plays his lil guardian angel *smile* and why should it not be me???
I earned it like all others *nods* and I do draw a lot of hearts believe me, especially since yesterday …
Never thought I could change the direction and maybe I cant but I really would like to try…
Cos who said the right will come with a thunderclap??? Maybe it really has been all imagination and illusion… and I wished that hard to find the one true love, maybe I just chose the wrong way and didn’t notice what has been so clear to others… but never to myself…
I am confused I don’t know what to think about and they told him not to play games with me so its up to me to do the same  - means to be fair and honest…
But how could I tell him without annoying him like hell…???
I guess some things are better left unsaid…

 

Love dany
30.6.08 20:10


I keep bleeding in love...

Bleeding Love

Closed off from love I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain
Time starts to pass before you know it you’re frozen
But something happened for the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground found something true
And everyone’s looking round thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding I keep keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that their goal is to keep me from falling
But nothing’s greater than the risk that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I’m going crazy
Maybe maybe

Chorus

And it’s draining all of me
Though they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

Chorus

And I keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love

 I cant srop thinking about you...

If u r the water I like to drown in ur holy beauty..

Mä rakastan sua..

Ive never felt like this before...

<3 <3 <3 <3


11.2.08 01:58


I am the queen of the world XD

Ja schön wärs dann würde ich jetzt aber sicher nicht hier sitzen und so komische surveys machen und darüber nachdenken was ER wohl gerade macht und ob er sich wschon wieder zulaufen lässt...-.-
sein zustand reichte mir schon beim letzen mal er hat sich benommen wie der letzte vollidiot, hätte mich fast wieder entliebt...-.-
aber nur fast... denn ich kann einfach nicht vergessen..nichts keine einzige Begegnung, die wir hatten und die einfach ...so total anders war halt als alles andere davor...
Liebe auf den ersten Blick so ein Blödsinn wahrscheinlich is er auch nicht anders als die ganzen anderen doofen Kerle...letztendlich sind sie doch eh alle gleich...-.- warum sich also ne platte machen?
Mein Engelchen und mein teufelchen auf meiner schulter streiten sich total...(also Jonne vs. Kris XD)
einerseits ist da dieses komische gefühl dass mich bald platzen lässt andererseits ist da dieses teufelchen das meint dass sei eh alles total übertrieben und würde mich nur ins Unglück stürzen...
Gucke ich auf mein bisheriges "liebesleben" sehe ich eigentlich dass das teuflechen recht hat...was hatte ich denn schon tolles an beziehungen?? und nur weil mich diese begegnung so durcheinander gebracht hat, ist jetzt bei ihm alles anders oder was..naiv und romantisch..Ich sollte mir nen Stempel draufgeben lassen: Ich bin blöd und suche nach meinem Traumprinz...
Was krieg ich?? n haufen tenders XD also frösche ^____^
Ich meine kann man echt noch den deckel finden? auch wenn man längst iwo aufgegeben hat?? vllt is das der schlüssel ich sollte einfach aufgeben bevor ich mich nur total verrenne und mich selbst total unglücklich mache...
Nur wohin dann mit diesen beschissenen Gefühlen??? Ausschalten gibts ja nicht *warum eigentlich nicht?: selbst für den menschen haben sie doch nach ca. 80 jahren den ausknopf eingebaut..-.-* alles total paradox...Ich bin ein wandelnder Widerspruch
Ich würd so gern an diesen "der eine richtige blah" scheiß glauben...und das is wohl auch unbewusst ganz weit hinten verankert, da wo es wehtut und wo der ganze schmerz ist...-.-
Aber was bringt einem das? genau eben nur diesem schmerz, dem ich liebend gern aus dem weg gehen möchte..
Is es das also wert sich immer wieder verletzen zu lassen? Nur um letztendlich festzustellen dass es eh nur die variante gibt: mit wem kann man sich am besten arrangieren?
na dann werde ich doch noch nonne...weil ganz ohne die Männerwelt/ ohne die liebe geht dat dann wohl auch nicht...
Bleib ich halt single bevor ich das nehme mit dem ich am bequemsten leben kann....
Niemals...
eher geh ich mich umbringen...n schatten von liebe brauch ich nicht...wenn ich die richtige nicht kriege will ich auch keine falsche haben....
N mitleidsarrangement hat keiner verdient *nee alina, nich mal ttemu XD*
Also hoff ich doch weiter, frag mich weiter warum und werd irre weil ich nciht weiß wie ich das anfangen soll...
irgendeiner n tipp???

<3 dany
9.2.08 00:40


Famous Last Words 

Now I know,
That I can't make you stay.
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your,

And I know.
There's nothing I can say.
To change that part.
To change that part.
To change.

So many,
Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding,
I'm incomplete?
A life that's so demanding,
I get so weak.
A love that's so demanding,
I can't speak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

Can you see?
My eyes are shining bright,
'Cause I'm out here, on the other side,
Of a jet black hotel mirror,
And I'm so weak.
Is it hard understanding?
I'm incomplete.
A love that's so demanding,
I get weak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
[Famous Last Words lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Nothing you can say can stop me going home.


These bright lights have always blinded me.
These bright lights have always blinded me.

I say.

I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.

Asleep, or dead...

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

8.2.08 20:53


Thats what friends are for <3...

Nadine <3<3<3

You are my one and only and true love anyway...the only person I am that sure about everything ..if I wont make it with you I ll never make it...-.-
I am so happy that u are always there for me...<3
You give me breath to continue and survive this long hard road to home...
I love you so much and I hope that there wont never be a thing we ll break up about ;______; I know that you always trust me and I know about its worth and I will kill ANYBODY who will hurt you or just even try to do it..-.-
It wouldnt matter to me if I would be punished for something to revenge you...Cos you are my life, you are a part of my heart and also my soul, I dont want to be without you - NEVER (cos eva has nothing to search for in here XD)
Cos if you are broken I am broken too and we ll both will die together - you in my arms...Only in mine...to be saved forever from all people who hurted you doesnt matter with what an intention ever...
I ll kill them or make their life a living hell...-.-
Mä rakastan sua my dear <3

Alina

You are so important to me, theres no other person except of you I would tell that much about myself..I am always scared to really open my heart but u have something around you that it makes it so easy to just be myself and I have never been myself before I came to Finland last year and get to know all those people who mean so much to me right now...including you
Whenever you ll fall I hope that I am one of the people making you get up again, cos I know about your dreams a bit and at least I hope that I am able to help you in any way you ll need help always...Cos I want to be one of the persons leading you home <3<3

Anne

I am so happy that we talked about all those things which went wrong before...and I guess it really has been me making our relationship more problematic...I am so sorry I can just tell you ...
I feel guilty cos everything what went wrong was all about my longing for someone who understands me and it least it has been alina where i reflected all my emotions to...So now I am just here to tell you I like you so much and we had so much fun together until now even if we havent met that often ^^ I guess you know what I am speaking about so there are no other words worth to say than just I like you <3
 

So all in all I just want to say "kiitoksia" to all of you who are always there when I need you...^^

Nowadays I am so full with secrets thoughts and doubts that it seems t be hard to breath sometimes..and its always u let me keep on breathing and at least give hope to me ^_____^

Thank you *rakkaus*

<3<3<3

 

8.2.08 20:34


My personal ugly thing ^^

...I love u so much
I mean I have no idea what love really means and I dont understand the content anyway
all i know is that i care so much about u, that I always worry if u r okay...I just hope that theres someone who cares for u someone to push u in the right direction and to help u to find ur way <3

 

Die Aerzte - Ich Weiss Nicht (ob Es Liebe Ist) Lyrics



Vor zwei Wochen hab' ich dich zum ersten Mal gesehen.
Du warst so betrunken, du konntest kaum noch stehen.
Aus Mitleid hab' ich dich nach Haus gebracht.
Du sagtest zärtlich :"Mein Schatz, gute Nacht."
"Mein Schatz", hast du gesagt, vielleicht war's nur ein Scherz,
Amors Pfeil durchbohrte mein Herz.


Jetzt weiss ich nicht, was ich denken soll,
ist es wirklich Liebe, oder finde ich dich nur toll?
Ich weiss nicht, ob es Liebe ist,
wenn man nicht mehr trinkt und isst.
Wenn man etwas hört und es sofort vergisst,
ich weiss nicht, ob das Liebe ist.


Am nächsten Tag habe ich dich besucht,
als das Bier alle war, hast du laut geflucht.
Du lagst auf dem Bett und warst ziemlich breit,
aber immerhin waren wir allein zu zweit.
Ich wollte mit dir reden über deine Frisur,
und über Liebe, aber du lachtest nur.


Jetzt weiss ich nicht, was ich denken soll,
ist es wirklich Liebe, oder finde ich dich nur toll?
Ich weiss nicht ob es Liebe ist,
wenn man alle Frauen an einer misst.
Wenn man an eine denkt und eine andere küsst,
ich weiss nicht, ob es Liebe ist.
Ich weiss nicht, ob es Liebe ist,
wenn man beim Pinkeln ständig neben's Becken pisst

I dont think that I am able to pee next to the toilet, i guess i have never been and i will never be so filled up with love XD or alcohol...
I am so confused I guess I can write as much about him and it will never be so close to these emotions I really feel when I think about him <3 and its so hard to know that theres no real chance to keep this thing going and I always think about the sentence
"theres a girl i guess she s from germany"
I hope so bad that he means my little person, I dont know if its stupid maybe it is ..but is love not often kind of stupid for others who are not in this "circle"???
I guess some will never understand anything doesnt matter how often u try to explain and describe..there will be always persons who ll never get the point..sad thing..

Maybe love its just an illusion, but its something to hold on, it keeps all people going,-just hoping they ll meet the one they can love

I just feel sorry for those people who ll never believed in love and who are not secretly on search for true love..sometimes they search unconscient ...its better as try the hardest u can to find someone to stay with...

But I am drifting away from the topic I firstly wanted to write about...
I just wanted to say and give it to myself: I am looking for the right one to love...it can also be the wrong but just someone to love and to love him the way he earns it and learn to love the person right...
And I would never force him to love me...or to be with me, even if I could...XD he s so different from all the guys I ve met before..it was always: I want him so bad I ll love him to death...
But not him: i wish he would be my one and true love but he hasnt to be it wouldnt be that worse...i mean i am not really jealous about his girlfriend...what will it change??? nothing...
And so I keep on waiting and save my hope that he is anyway my right one...

You are so beautiful in so many ways...its not the looking..I dont think that u r the hottest thing on earth, but just for me u r so special i hope u ll never lose this special magic with me...^^

So I ll be waiting forever and another day ♥


 

 

 

8.2.08 19:47


Stiletto heels and print lies...

How could u describe this mess better..-.- I am so fuckin angry that he didnt and i guess he ll never stop hurting her maybe thats what he means when he wrote her : i am not good enough to u i am not worth to be urs...-.-
But even miore stupid if he really believes in all his pretended life...if he hides behind the truth..
thats not what it should life be ...thats not the way his future s going...its not the way to meke it work...That cant be the way...how long is he able to live a lie to be alive but notice or realize at the end that it was never u  who has been alive
just a shadow of something u wanted to work...but will this fill u with bliss?
I dont think so..there happened to much theres so much stuff hidden inside him..i guess it could be something very hard to face and so many that the wave will maybe throw her of her feet..

But I know she is able to get up again and to fight for a real present..for something whats woth to live and stay alive for..really alive and not as a puppet or a dark point in the list of the earth..
I wish I could tell him that he shouldnt hurt her but I know at this moment its not possible to fullfill my wish...I know he is not able to change something about the whole situation and at least its him who makes the decision fora puppet or hisself...i rembered a song title, kaksi kuvaa ...I dont remeber the content of the lyrics but the title says more as I could express it how I mean my explainations before...

I am tired of sleeping of doing nothing but i am too weak too to change something about my life I ve lost touch with reality by chasing my dream...sometimes I do kind of regret but not really i know that this state before wasnt me just a hope to survive and lay my life in other hands cos I am so scared to be a loser...to defeat...

 But now I have to admit my defeat and walk back home..hopefully not just in one directions either in the one who leads me home to my koti <3

8.2.08 01:15


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